The Dating Blueprint: Preparation Phase Next Phase: Phone Phase Introduction Before you start looking for dating prospects, you need to prepare to date. You need to make sure you have the right character, you are the right proximity, and you know who you are and own it. The right character. Before you date, you need to make sure you have the right character. If you want to be married happily and stay that way, you need to make sure you have a specific set of character traits and make sure your prospect also does. If you answer YES to ALL of these, you are ready to date, get married, and potentially have kids. If you answer NO to any of these, you are not ready to date, get married, or have kids; and attempting to would cause issues for you. The absence of any one trait could ruin your marriage. Generosity Do you enjoy giving your time, energy, and money (not sex or physical favors) freely to others without expecting them to pay you back in some way? If you answered YES, you are generous. If you answered NO, you are stingy and/or transactional and you shouldn't get married. Compassion + Empathy Do you put yourself in another person's shoes and see things from their perspective when they are going through a hard time? Does it hurt you emotionally to see other people suffer? If you answered YES, you are compassionate and have empathy. If you answered NO, you are apathetic and you shouldn't get married. Friendliness Are you pleasant to be around and do you have tact (sensitivity in dealing with others or with difficult issues)? If you answered YES, you are friendly. If you answered NO, you are hostile and you shouldn't get married. Forgiveness When somebody wrongs you, whether it was deliberate or accidental, do you forgive them and not wish them any harm? If you answered YES, you are forgiving. If you answered NO, you are vengeful and/or unforgiving and you shouldn't get married. NOTE: Forgiving somebody doesn't mean you keep them in your life, it means you don't hold resentment in your heart towards them for their behavior towards you. Chastity + Sexual Self-Control Do you have sexual self-control? Are you capable of abstaining from sex, porn, anything related? Do you know how to control your sexual thoughts and fantasies? If you answered YES, you are chaste and have sexual self-control. If you answered NO, you are lustful and you shouldn't get married. Assertive Communication Are you a direct communicator that doesn't expect other people to read your mind? Are you capable of assertively communicating your boundaries and removing people from your life if they do not respect them? If you answered YES, you are an assertive communicator. If you answered NO, you are not a direct, assertive communicator which could lead to passive aggression or actual aggression and you shouldn't get married. Trustworthy Are you willing to build trust in a relationship by allowing your spouse access to your phone whenever they please without guilting them, your location, setting up other infidelity safe-guards like no friendships with the opposite sex unless your spouse is directly involved, etc.? If you answered YES, you are trustworthy. If you answered NO, you are okay with leaving the door open for betraying your spouse and you shouldn't get married. Honesty Are you transparent with your intentions? Do you tell the truth when questioned because you have nothing to hide and you have made amends and forgiven yourself for your mistakes in life? If you answered YES, you are honest. If you answered NO, you are deceitful and you shouldn't get married. Financial Stability Are you hardworking and responsible financially and will be able to provide financial stability to a spouse? If you answered YES, you are financially stable. If you answered NO, you are financially irresponsible and/or financially unstable and you shouldn't get married. Selfless Do you enjoy putting the needs and wants of others above your own? If you answered YES, you are selfless. If you answered NO, you are selfish and you shouldn't get married. Conclusion You will need every single trait to be married happily. Whichever trait you don't have, you will see issues in that area. Your spouse also needs these traits, and the reason you are dating is the make sure your partner has these traits. If you answered YES to ALL, you have the character for a relationship. If you answered NO to ANY, you do not have the character for a relationship. The absence of any one trait could ruin your marriage. Religion. One of the reasons divorce rates are lower among religious people is because most religions tell their followers to actively work towards possessing these traits. Having these traits is hard due to our sinful nature. Having reverence for something bigger than yourself (like God) can give you the incentive to actively work at possessing these traits despite the difficulty. The right proximity. Before you attempt to date, you need to be around the type of people you want to date. Don't look for a fish out of water. You might find one, but it'll be dead. If you want a Christian, go to church. If you want somebody who loves dogs, go to the dog park or the animal shelter. If you want somebody who likes to party, go to the club. If you want somebody who is rich, go to the country club. The opposite is true too. If you want an atheist, don't go to church. If you want somebody who doesn't like dogs, don't go to the dog park or animal shelter. If you want somebody who doesn't like to party, don't go to the club. It's up to you. 'Good' proximity and 'bad' proximity depend on what you want uniquely, but there are certain recommendations for a lasting marriage. Good proximity. Church: People who are serious about God should already be working to equip themselves with the character mentioned in the character section above. Career: You know what they do. You don't have to worry as much about where they will end up. Bad proximity. Highschool: Most people in college do not want to have the character to be in a happy relationship. You have no clue where people will end up. Wait to see. College: Most people in college do not want to have the character to be in a happy relationship. Also, you have no clue where people will actually end up, and the environment is terrible and brings out narcissistic traits. Read this post to understand narcissists. Bars: They will likely still want to go once in a relationship, which is a recipe for an affair 15 years down the line. Clubs: They will likely still want to go once in a relationship, which is a recipe for an affair 15 years down the line. Dating apps: Lots of people on dating apps are most likely looking for a hookup, but they could have pure intentions. Just be careful. Know and own who you are. You need to know yourself before you attempt to date because you will have to communicate who you are to the other person quite thoroughly. Until you can answer every question in Phone Phase of The Dating Blueprint for yourself, you aren't ready to date. You need to know the boundaries you will want for yourself so you can communicate them and make sure the other person's boundaries are compatible with yours. You need to know your attachment style and desired relationship dynamics so you can communicate them and make sure the other person is compatible with you. You need to do much more in the Phone Phase too. This is a huge reason to not date until you are at least 23, if not 25. Odds are if you are younger than that, you don't really know what boundaries you need and relationship expectations you should have. Expect rejection. You are trying to find one person out of hundreds, so expect more rejection than acceptance. Do not move your boundaries if you get rejected, keep looking. You cannot lose hope and start doubting yourself due to rejection. Make sure you aren't looking for a fish out of water. Own who you are and own your boundaries. If you can't find somebody who wants what you do, don't move your boundaries, don't get married instead. Highly recommended advice. Before you date, consider these pieces of advice. Be 23 or older. You don't need to start dating or getting involved with potential romantic partners until you are at least 23, preferably 25 when your prefrontal cortex is developed and you make better decisions. People change a lot from the time they are 18 to 23 to 25. You could want completely different things and have completely different expectations for a potential long-term partner. Wait until you are at least 23 to start dating. Be in physical shape. Aim to have the physique of somebody you would prefer and want to date as opposed to a physique you would settle for. Would you prefer to date somebody with your physique? Being in shape maximizes dating options and shows you care about your health, which is attractive for potential prospects. You don't need to look like a fitness model, but have a healthy figure before you attempt to date. Be 100% financially independent of your parents and 100% financially stable. You need to make sure you can support yourself fully before you attempt to date in case dating turns sour for you. Financially unstable people are at a higher risk of financial abuse and betrayal, and ending up homeless if a relationship doesn't work out. Additionally, if your parents don't plan on helping you fund the wedding, you will want to make sure you can. Make sure you are not desperate. You wouldn't go to the grocery store hungry because you have a high chance of picking up something that wasn't on the 'list.' Dating is the same way. Desperate people are far more likely to surrender their boundaries and make more compromises they will regret later on. Put genetic, uncontrollable looks last. Being in shape is something most people people can control so it is okay to judge for most people, but something like facial structure, hair texture, and other genetic features you'd need cosmetic procedures to fix are different. As you will see, there are tons of boundaries to set and questions to be asked. It isn't wise to reject people solely for genetic attributes they couldn't change without cosmetic procedures like a short stature, a small bust, a big nose, a big forehead, race, an unattractive face, or more. Most people aren't going to make it past the Phone Phase, so you should give everybody a chance to see if they can. If you want a life companion, the less attractive person that accepts your boundaries and is most compatible with your relationship desires will be better for you in the long-run than the 10/10 that doesn't. Not all gold glitters. Everything that glitters ain't gold, and not all gold glitters. In its natural, unrefined, or unpolished state, gold often appears as a dull, matte yellow or brownish lump rather than a sparkling, shiny metal. People can be the same way. Be aware of manipulation tactics to look out for. Odds are if you are talking to a lot of people, you will come across manipulation. Read the Manipulation Tactics post. Make sure you study and will be able to recognize manipulation tactics. Pay off debt. Pay off all or at least the majority of your debt before you attempt to date. You don't want debt to be the reason your prospect turns you down. Don't. Consider not dating or pursuing marriage at all. Marriage is overrated. Marriage truly is overrated and you will not get what you idealize out of it. Marriage is extremely romanticized. It will not be like Titanic, or The Notebook, or any other romance novel or film. You probably don't understand the true point of marriage. Most people don't understand the true point of marriage, and even if they do, they back out when things get tough. Marriage isn't to make you happy and declare your love and make it forever for somebody else, it is to be more like Jesus Christ, and you won't be happy becoming more like Him. Marriage is designed by God to be a sanctification process that makes us more like Christ. Marriage is very painful spiritually and emotionally as both partners die to themselves and transform from their selfishness into modeling the selflessness of Christ. If you don't believe this, you will be very disappointed 15-30 years from now when things come to their end because you weren't expecting pain, you were expecting bliss. Expect betrayal, like Christ was. Expect heartbreak, like Christ had. Expect giving up what you want for the other person's benefit at your expense, like Christ did. Expect sacrificing yourself for the other person, like Christ did. Don't expect the opposite. If you don't like the sound of that, don't even attempt dating. Learn to be content single. Being single is the only way to have true peace. Being single is looked down upon, but in reality, being single is optimal for a happy life. In a marriage, you will have to worry about the behavior of another imperfect person every single day. When single you only have to worry about yourself. Read How to Enjoy Being Single if you decide to pursue a life of happy singleness instead. Why people choose marriage. God instilled an innate desire for marriage in most people because He desires for us to become more like Christ, but we get to decide. Sex outside of marriage is sin you will be judged by God for, which is why most people choose marriage despite how hard it is. In an increasingly secular world, people ignore or reject this, and so less people marry and have the benefit of sex without the responsibility of marriage, which they will ultimately be judged for. Conclusion Once you follow the recommendations of this post, you are ready to start finding prospects. For each prospect you find, you will enter the Phone Phase of the dating process. Next Phase: The Phone Phase