Understanding Narcissists Introduction Narcissists are quite simple to understand. Narcissists are human beings, just like you and me, and like any human being, there is a deep underlying reason for their consistent behavior and personality. You could become one too. Anybody could become a narcissist, so be careful to judge. Narcissists are created through a combination of prolonged environmental factors and personal insecurities. Don't expect them to tell you. Don’t expect a narcissist to tell you why they are one. Most narcissists would rather try to manipulate you into thinking you are crazy for thinking they are merely insecure about something. Most narcissists would rather be seen as evil than insecure. They would rather look like a bad person than admit any weakness they have. Most people have narcissistic traits. Most people are narcissistic in one way or another, so make sure you vet your partner before you become emotionally attached. Use The Dating Blueprint to help vet your prospect. The cause. Narcissists are created through a combination of environmental factors and personal insecurities that lead to a perceived loss of hope for something they wished to attain, which can lead to emotional overreactiveness or ill-will towards others. Summary. An insecurity they believe they cannot change... combined with... an environment that keeps reiterating their insecurity... combined with... either a low threshold for pain before they can justify hurting others OR consistent reiteration of that insecurity prolonged enough to break down anybody... leads to a narcissist. An insecurity. This insecurity is something that is part of them that they can’t ever get rid of or think they can’t ever get rid of, so they are miserable and feel there is no hope. Before attempting to ask, understand they will most likely never admit, even after they get better. It's safe to assume at the core of narcissism is a deep insecurity that has led them to believe there is no hope. An environment that keeps reiterating that insecurity. A great example of 'an environment that keeps reiterating that insecurity' for a lot of people is a college campus. For a lot of men, all of the beautiful women they 'can't get' reiterate their belief that 'I'm not a real man.' For a lot of women, all of these beautiful women I 'can never look like' reiterates their belief that 'I'll never be pretty enough.' These insecurities and the reiteration of them daily can lead to narcissist traits in nearly anybody. Either a low threshold for pain before they can justify hurting others OR prolonged, consistent reiteration of that insecurity. Narcissists aren't made overnight, it's typically an accumulation of having their insecurity proven to themselves. The root. The factors mentioned above are the tip of the iceberg. At the very root of narcissism is pride and greed (sin, in other words). At the very root of narcissism is thinking you deserve something (pride) and wanting it so bad (greed) that you become corrupted if you don't get it. If somebody wants something bad enough and they have an insecurity that makes them think they will never get it and their lack of hope is strong enough, a person can lose empathy, respect, and goodwill towards other people. This is called becoming bitter. That is exactly what narcissists are, bitter. Don’t judge them for it because you could become bitter too. All narcissists are bitter, but not all bitter people become narcissists. Narcissists are usually bitter people who have a weak moral character in addition to their insecurity, whereas someone bitter who isn’t a narcissist can still manage to treat people with respect most of the time because they have a strong moral character. Hope is important. It is often a loss of hope that leads to people giving up and succumbing to their negative thoughts, emotions, and other unfortunate life events, which can lead to resenting others and trying to bring them down also. Whether you are the narcissist, the victim, or neither, having hope about life in general is important for having a positive mental state and being a good person. Make sure you build others up with your words, instead of tearing them down. Realizations. If you have a narcissist in your life who treats you extra bad, it's most likely because of these two reasons. Envy A narcissist could be extra rude to you if they are envious of you. Maybe you have what they are insecure for not having (beauty, women, etc.). Envy can be dangerous in adult relations. Envy in high school might have been 'harmless,' but in adult relations, envy can kill. They might treat you well for the opposite. If you make them feel better about their insecurity, they won't be envious, they will treat you well. This is why some people can't see another person's narcissism because the narcissist treats them well because they benefit the narcissist. You aren't good enough for them. A narcissist could be extra rude to you if they see you as a reminder of how their insecurity made them fail. It's scary to think, but every time they look at you they could see you as a reminder of how they failed. Example A man who wanted a thin, blonde trophy wife might look at his chubbier, brunette wife as a reminder of how he 'isn't a real man' and he will take his frustration out on her. At the root of this is their own selfishness, you are not the issue. Example The mother who didn't make the soccer team might really push for her daughter to do what she couldn't. When her daughter also doesn't make the team, the mother will be reminded of her own insecurity and take that out on the daughter. They might treat you good for the opposite. If you make them look good, they will treat you well, at least for as long as you make them look good. If you are the thin, blonde trophy woman, he will treat you well for a time and show you off to his friends. If you make the sports teams, your mother will treat you well, until you stop then she'll get angry at you. This is why some people can't see another person's narcissism because the narcissist treats them well because they benefit the narcissist. Conclusion. So now you know. A narcissist is a narcissist because of a combination of pride, greed, an insecurity they believe they can't help, an environment that reiterates that insecurity, and either a low threshold for pain before they justify hurting others or their insecurity was reiterated for long enough to make anybody a narcissist.