How to Date Safely Introduction The thrill of dating can blind many people to the potential dangers involved. You cannot control the presence of danger, but you can be on the defense and significantly reduce your risks. The Dating Blueprint The Dating Blueprint was designed to optimize dating safety. The Dating Blueprint is a complete guide to dating that will walk readers through the dating process step-by-step, boundary-by-boundary, and question-by-question. How to date safely. These rules will help optimize your physical, emotional, spiritual, and financial safety. Rules to follow before dating in person. Set boundaries. Before you date in-person, set any boundaries you will want if a relationship were to occur. Physical safety. Certain boundaries will protect you physically until you know you can trust a prospect. For example, setting the boundary that you do not want to be offered rides until you are well acquainted will help reduce the risk of being abducted. Emotional safety. Setting boundaries before you are emotionally attached will prevent you from heartbreak, manipulation, and emotional abuse. Emotional abuse and manipulation often results from failing to set boundaries. For more information on emotional abuse and manipulation in relationships, read this post. Financial safety. Setting certain boundaries can protect you financially. For example, if you will want a prenup that is a boundary to set with a prospect before becoming emotionally attached. Another example is setting the boundary of not paying for dates until you are engaged to prevent you from giving financial resources to somebody you aren't serious about. Spiritual safety. Certain boundaries can keep you safe spiritually. For example, setting the boundary to not date a certain religion or lack of one. Which boundaries to set. Recommended boundaries to consider setting can be found in the Phone Phase of The Dating Blueprint. The default boundaries are just a guide. Readers are encouraged to come up with their own unique boundaries. Run a criminal background check. Before you date in-person, run a criminal background check on the prospect. Get their full legal name, their birthday, and each state they've lived in. Do a statewide search in the state's court system. Find out everything you can about them over the phone. Find out the most you can over the phone before dating in person. The Phone Phase of The Dating Blueprint has tons of questions to ask the prospect and is designed to be used before you start dating in person. Rules to follow before you trust them 90%. You can never really trust somebody 100%, but at least get to 90%. Before you trust the prospect 90%, follow these rules. Don't give them location specifics for anything. Before you trust them 90%, do not give them specific locations for anything. Work Do not tell them where you work, only tell them what you do for work until you are well acquainted. THEM: What do you do for work and where do you work? YOU: I'm an attorney, and I would rather not say where. THEM: Oh, do you think I'm crazy or something? YOU: I don't think that, no; but then again I don't know you, so you could be, haha! Just wanna be as safe as possible, is that an issue? Home Do not tell them the city, town, or neighborhood, only tell them the county and state until you are well acquainted. THEM: I'd like to send you something, what's your address? YOU: I'm not comfortable giving you that information, you can use my PO box or we can meet in person! THEM: Oh, do you think I'm crazy or something? YOU: I don't think that, no; but then again I don't know you, so you could be, haha! Just wanna be as safe as possible, is that an issue? Gym Do not tell them the exact gym, only the franchise until you are well acquainted. THEM: We should work out together so we can get to know each other better? Which gym do you go to? YOU: I actually prefer to workout alone so I can focus, and I would rather not give you specifics until we know each other better. THEM: Oh, do you think I'm crazy or something? YOU: I don't think that, no; but then again I don't know you, so you could be, haha! Just wanna be as safe as possible, is that an issue? Church Do not tell them the exact church location you go to. THEM: Where do you go to church? YOU: I would rather not give you specifics until we know each other better. THEM: Oh, do you think I'm crazy or something? YOU: I don't think that, no; but then again I don't know you, so you could be, haha! Just wanna be as safe as possible, is that an issue? Don't tell them your living situation. Before you trust them 90%, do not tell them who you live with. THEM: I have three roommates, Andy, Jeff, and Roger? What about you? YOU: I don't want to give you my living situation until I know you better. THEM: Oh, do you think I'm crazy or something? YOU: I don't think that, no; but then again I don't know you, so you could be, haha! Just wanna be as safe as possible, is that an issue? Rules to follow for the first few in-person dates. Follow these rules for the first several in-person dates with the prospect. Still follow the previous rules until you trust them 90%. Before you trust them 90%, do not tell them location specifics for anything (work, home, gym, church, etc.) or who you live with. Just because you are dating in-person might not mean you trust them 90%, so still follow the previous rules. Tell a friend. On the first several in-person dates, consider telling a friend all the details. Tell a friend or family member you are going on a date. Tell the friend or family member where you are going, what time you are going, and give them as many details about the prospect as you can like the prospect's full name, race, height, eye color, hair color and texture, and what they are wearing for the date if you can. Tell the friend or family member that you will text or call them at {insert time}. If you do not contact the friend or family member at that time tell them they should alert authorities. Set an alarm for yourself so you don't forget. Bring a friend. On the first several in-person dates, consider having a friend nearby in case you need assistance. Bring a friend or family member to keep an eye on you from a distance. Come up with a signal to give for when you feel uncomfortable. After the signal, the friend or family member can act like they just happened to spot you out and strike up a conversation. Location share with friends. On the first several in-person dates, consider making sure your friends or family know your location. Use location sharing apps like Life360 so they know where you are. Consider using Apple AirTags as well by placing the device in a backpack, pocket, or on a wearable accessory for your parents to monitor your location via the "Find My" app. Stay at public. On the first several in-person dates, stay at public establishments where authorities are easily alerted. For the first several in-person dates, do not go anywhere you couldn't easily verbally alert for help. Do not go to low eye-witness areas. Where NOT to go. A car, van, or other vehicle. Do not get in their vehicle, do not let them in yours. You need to let the prospect know you will provide your own transportation and they don't need to offer you a ride. Their place: That's how Jeffrey Dahmer killed his victims. Dahmer would lure them back to 'his place' to chill. Your place: You can be drugged and raped at your place too. Also, they shouldn't know where you live until you are 100% sure they aren't crazy. Anybody's place: Their friend's house party for any occasion. Their parent's lake house. Their uncle's hunting cabin in Upstate New York. Hotels: Even if you stay in the lounge, hotels have been known to work with traffickers. Hikes or trails: Low eye-witness areas are easy to be abducted from or violated at. 'Public' parks or lakes: Low eye-witness areas are easy to be abducted from or violated at. Secluded alleyways: Don't walk down any alleyways. Low eye-witness areas are easy to be abducted from or violated at. If your prospect invites you to any of these places while you are in person, politely decline. You don't need a 'good; excuse - "I don't want to" is the only excuse you need. If that isn't good enough for them, stop dating. Recommended dating locations. Mega church cafeteria: You don't even have to be a Christian. This is a very safe spot. Several mega-churches have security teams and tons of morally upright people if you need help. Starbucks in a Target: Olive Garden Outback Steakhouse Texas Roadhouse The main cafeteria at a college campus The cafeteria in a mall that has security Bowling alley The gist is to make sure there is surveillance and a lot of other people where you are going and you could easily get help if necessary. Don't consume anything you had your eyes off of. If the prospect makes your food or drink. Watch them make it or don't consume it. Let them know you want to watch. If they don't let you, don't consume it. Finish it in one sitting. If you take your eyes off of it for any reason, don't consume it again. If you go to the bathroom, to your car, or anything do not consume it again. You shouldn't be at their place until you are certain they aren't crazy anyways. If a public establishment makes your food or drink. Finish it in one sitting. If you take your eyes off of it for any reason, don't consume it again. If you go to the bathroom, to your car, or anything do not consume it again. If you bring your own food or drink. Do not let it out of your sight and in their sight before you consume it. If you bring a water bottle, take it everywhere with you even to the bathroom. Finish it in one sitting. If you take your eyes off of it for any reason, don't consume it again. If you go to the bathroom, to your car, or anything do not consume it again. Example: Dahmer crushed sedatives and added them to his victims drink. He brought the victim the drink as a kind gesture. Because the victim trusted Dahmer, he was able to kill them. Date between 11 AM - 4 PM. The Devil comes out at night. "Two-thirds of all rapes and rape attempts occurred at night, with the largest proportion occurring between 6 p.m. and midnight." Source. This statistic could just be because that is when most people spend time together, but there are still other benefits for dating during the day including: More Staff: Most people working at establishments, including security, work between 9 AM and 5 PM. For example, in a large mall between 9 AM and 5 PM there might be five security guards, but after 5 PM there might only be two. More People: There are more people out during the day. At night, there are less people. More Light: Security cameras can see better. Eye-witnesses can see better. You can see better. The lady gets to choose the location. "He told me he would choose the location, and it's even a secret! How romantic!" WRONG. It could be a nightmare. The lady should choose the location until she is comfortable with the man. By letting the lady choose the location, she can mitigate the risk of an abduction setup. Carry self-protection and know your rights in your state. Carry what you need to defend yourself, and know your rights. Make sure you know the laws of your state. Rights to know. When is killing for self-defense justified and when is it not? After you injure somebody in self-defense, what should you do next? What can you carry openly and what do you need to conceal? Discreet Self-Defense Materials These are materials that you could carry in your had at all times and most people wouldn't view it as a weapon. Fountain Pen: Carry a fountain pen, or any pen in your bag. iPhone Stun Gun: They even have stun guns that look like phones. Non-Discreet Self-Defense Materials Gun Taser Knife Always check to make sure nobody follows you to your car or home. On your way home from the date, make sure you aren't being followed. If you notice the same vehicle has been behind you, don't go home, drive to the police station. Car Cams Consider getting front view and rear view cameras for your vehicle. Not only are these good for accidents, but also catching people who follow you or have criminal intent. Red flags. These are red flags that could indicate the prospect might be predatory. Boundary insults. If a prospect insults your boundaries in any way, or insults you for having those boundaries, stop dating them. They might be attempting to manipulate you into dropping your boundaries. If they directly question your boundaries or question why you have them without insulting you that is acceptable; but if they try to talk you out of them or insult you, that is a red flag. Non-predatory, healthy individuals with good intentions know it takes time to get to know another person. Somebody with good intentions would not rush things, like knowing your address or where you work. If anybody shows signs of hostility towards you for setting boundaries that keep you safe, RUN. They see you as prey. Any prospect that makes you question the fact that you are wary of men. If any prospect tries to make you question your wariness of men or make you feel guilty for being wary of men, stop seeing that prospect. This could be the 'Wolf-Sheep-Wolf' manipulation tactic. Make sure you are well aware of manipulation tactics Manipulation Tactics before dating. Ask the prospect, "Would you feel more comfortable leaving your child in a room full of women or a room full of men?" Crime Stats by Gender: Sexual Abuse: For 2023, "93.8% of individuals sentenced for sexual abuse were men." Source (United States Sentencing Commission). Human Traffickers: Of the 1,197 defendants charged in federal court for human trafficking offenses in fiscal year 2021, 92% were male and 60% were white. Of the 201 defendants charged with peonage, slavery, forced labor, and sex trafficking in fiscal year 2021, 77% were male and 58% were black. Source (Bureau of Justice Statistics). Murders: "In 2023, there were 14,327 murder offenders in the United States who were male, in comparison to 1,898 who were female. However, there were also 5,279 murder offenders where their gender was unknown. " Source (Statista). Pedophilia: For 2022, "...of the 523 defendants charged with sexual exploitation and other abuse of children, 94% were male and 71% were white." Source (Bureau of Justice Statistics). Men should be wary too. Women and children aren't the only ones that should be wary of men, everybody should be wary of men and set boundaries to protect themselves. Don't assume a man is evil, but set boundaries to ensure you will be protected if he is. What if? What if somebody tries to abduct me? Don't get taken to a second location. You can survive a gunshot in a parking lot, but you won't survive a second location. Also, a gunshot wound is better than what could happen at a second location (torture, etc.). What if they put a tracker on my car like in Breaking Bad? If you suspect somebody put a tracker on your car, do not drive home. Drive to the police station. Take photos, but do not remove it yourself, let the police remove it for evidence. Document everything for legal reasons. Contact law enforcement to report stalking or illegal surveillance. What if they track my address using something like White Pages using my phone number? To remove your information from Whitepages, find your profile URL by searching your name and city on the site, then submit it to the Whitepages opt-out page. You will need to verify the removal request via an automated phone call. The process takes up to 24 hours to reflect, and you must repeat this for multiple listings.