Overcoming Heartbreak Introduction This post will go over how to face heartbreak and how to mitigate heartbreak in the future. Facing Heartbreak The cause. Nearly all romantic heartbreak results from behavior that oversteps boundaries. Maybe you failed to set a boundary that you either didn't think you needed or forgot to mention. Maybe you did set the boundary and they still didn't respect it. Heartbreak comes from somebody's behavior overstepping a boundary that you needed in the relationship, whether you set the boundary or not. Fixing the issue. The first step towards healing from romantic heartbreak is removing the behavior causing it. Behavior. At the core, the cause of romantic heartbreak is behavior. Example: Before you started dating, you never told your boyfriend you didn't want him hanging out alone with his female friend from high school (failed to set boundaries). You imagined that you would be on the same page about it (failed to set boundaries). Turns out, he doesn't think it's an issue and you get in an argument. You want him to stop hanging out with her, he doesn't want to because he's known her his whole life and he feels wrong for it. You need the boundary of your boyfriend not hanging out with his female friend from high school and his behavior is overstepping that boundary. Removing the behavior that causes heartbreak. There are only two ways to get rid of behavior: The person performing the behavior stops performing it or you remove them from your life if they wish to continue. How to remove behavior if you failed to set a boundary. Acknowledgement: You need to acknowledge the fact a desired boundary was transgressed because you failed to set the boundary. It was not their fault. This might cost you your relationship. Determine Boundaries: You need to take the time to consider all of your boundaries that you want in the relationship going forward. Use The Dating Blueprint to help you (specifically the Phone Phase). Admit: Admit to your partner that you failed to set boundaries that you need in the relationship. Propose Starting Over: You need to take time to communicate your new boundaries and determine if your partner accepts them. Break Up or Stay Together: If they accept your new boundaries, you can move forward in the relationship because the cause of your heartbreak (their behavior) will be gone. If they do not agree to your boundaries and they will keep their behavior, you need to end the relationship as that is the only way to remove the source of the heartbreak. Adapting to their behavior is not recommended as this can lead to feelings of emotional abuse, manipulation, and cause other issues later on. How to remove behavior if you set a boundary they crossed anyways. Acknowledgement: You need to acknowledge the fact a desired boundary was transgressed because your partner discarded it willingly and knowingly. Break Up: Do not give them a second change. Break up. If they did it once, they will do it again. Healing. Forgive After the source of the heartbreak is removed, forgiving is the next step. One of the biggest reasons we stay stuck in heartbreak is because we fail to forgive ourselves and the other person. This is like swallowing poison and expecting the person that hurt us to die. We only hurt ourselves by harboring resentment. Go no contact If you break up, if you can't handle seeing your ex, you should go no-contact and stay off of social media until time heals you. If you keep reopening a wound it will never fully heal. Do not enter a new relationship until you are completely healed. Do not use another person to heal. It won't work, and you are using another person in the process, which could come off as evil, selfish, and immature. It is not fair for the other person that you are still getting over somebody else and it could prevent your relationship with that person from developing in a healthy way. Have a concrete plan for dating when you start dating again. Make sure you have a solid dating plan that will mitigate the risk of encountering physical, emotional, spiritual, or financial harm when you decide to date again. The Dating Blueprint can serve as a default guide for you or at least a place to start. Mitigating Heartbreak in the Future Boundaries. Failing to set boundaries is why several relationships end with emotional abuse, manipulation, and the overall end of the relationship. The Phone Phase of The Dating Blueprint goes over several boundaries and expectations to communicate with your prospect before you start dating in-person. This will significantly mitigate the risk of heartbreak in romantic relationships. God already sets boundaries for us. God (Jesus Christ) already sets several boundaries meant to protect us from heartbreak. Due to our own stubbornness we think we know better and end up hurt. A huge boundary God sets is no sex outside of marriage. People who choose not to follow this boundary end up with incurable STIs, infidelity in their relationships, soul-ties to negative influences, feelings of being used, and more. Heartbreak is inevitable. Heartbreak is inevitable in this fallen world, but you can significantly mitigate the pain and risk of romantic heartbreak. Only date people you are compatible with. Avoid in-person dating with anybody until you know you are compatible. Following The Dating Blueprint helps you find a partner you are compatible with. Use it as a guide. Use the boundaries and questions as a place to start a conversation with your prospect. It has tons of boundaries to set and questions to ask. Make the default boundaries and questions your own. What you see there is just the default. Make sure the prospect respects your boundaries and is committed to you before you become physically or emotionally romantic. You can't control if people mistreat you, but you can put safeguards in place to optimally protect yourself from people who will discard your boundaries. Do not date in person until somebody agrees to all of your boundaries. Do not be physically intimate until you know the prospect will respect your boundaries and is committed to you. The best way to ensure this is the wait for marriage to be physically and romantically intimate. Not compatible with anybody? If you aren't compatible with anybody, then don't date. The heartbreak of being incompatible is not nearly as bad as the heartbreak of having a failed or abusive relationship. More to Life than Romance There is more to life than romance, marriage, and kids. In fact, many people with all of those things end up regretting their decisions to pursue them. Peace is priceless. Peace is priceless, and there is little peace inside most marriages, especially when kids are involved. When you are married, you always have to worry about the decisions of another imperfect human being who will betray you at times (not 'if' but 'will'). When you are single, you only have to worry about your own decisions and how they affect only you. That optimizes the opportunity for experiencing true and consistent peace. We want what we don't have. Married people yearn to be single again. Single people want marriage. People in college can't wait to start a career. People 5 years into their career miss how simple college was. Learn to be content where you are in life. Stop yearning, and start being grateful for your life where it is at.